Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” I believe that most Christian parents would agree that spiritual training is important. We all want our kids to love the Lord with all their hearts and have the eternal security that comes with placing their trust in Jesus. However, the “how” to train a child spiritually is much harder than the “why”. It would be great if our children could simply inherit our faith in Jesus, but they can’t. We often imagine that spirituality is something we need to have in a Big Talk with our kids, but in reality, it is a lifelong conversation.
So, the question becomes, “How do I start spiritual conversations with my children?” Here are a few ideas:
- Spend lots of time with your kids and it doesn’t need to be faith-focused. Play board games, throw a ball, build Legos or do whatever interests your kids. Use this time to build your relationship with your kids, so when faith topics arise, you are with them or they feel confident coming to ask you questions. Also, the more time you spend with them, the more likely you will be there when they are ready to ask.
- Use teachable moments to start a conversation. Every day we are around our kids when things happen that conflict with our faith, such as while watching TV or out running errands. Use these times to ask your kids what they think about what they saw and what the Bible says about it. Remember, it’s not what we think about an issue but what the Bible says. Always point them back to the Bible.
- Make dinner time device-free. I’ve been out at restaurants both here in the US and all over the world only to see families that are eating dinner but not interacting. They are all looking down at their phones. Dinner-time is a great time to do a family devotion and prayer. It doesn’t need to be anything elaborate or complex – there are many great children’s devotions. These devotions can spark spiritual conversations and you can’t do this if everyone is distracted by media. Two words of caution: First, set the example for your kids. Is there really anything on your phone or someone calling you that’s so important that it can’t wait until after dinner? If you don’t put your phone down, neither will your kids. Second, if you have dinner guests – whether friends or family – make sure you let them know ahead of time that the dinner table is a device-free zone.
- Prompt kids to think about God by asking them questions. These can be used on the drive to school or practice and may generate more conversation. Some sample questions include:
What do you think Heaven looks like?
How are God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit three and also one?
How does God hear all of our prayers?
Why does God sometimes not answer our prayer the way we want?
Why do bad things happen to good people?
- Keep your faith front and center. As parents, we often tell our kids one thing while doing another – the old “do as I say and not as I do” excuse. However, this is one area where we need to model our faith to our kids and show them that we are also growing. This will make them more comfortable to have open discussions with us. Moses summed it up nicely in Deuteronomy 6:5-9:
You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your sons and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand and they shall be as frontals on your forehead. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.
Having spiritual conversations can seem like a daunting task, but don’t make it more challenging than it really is. Go back and remember the purpose of spiritual conversations – to teach our kids about God and the Bible so when the Holy Spirit comes knocking or a situation arises, they are ready. It’s OK not to have all the answers. Those are great opportunities to teach your children how to search the Bible for answers.
Finally, kids, especially young ones, aren’t always paying attention, so don’t become frustrated if you start on a topic and it seems to be going well, and then they veer off onto something random. Keep at it and know that they are absorbing more than you think.