Eph. 5:33 Tells us that each husband should love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband. The book of Ephesians starting in chapter 5 verses 25-33, gives us the directives believers are to base their marriage and commitments to one another on, living out our lives together just as Christ. Men are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, and wives are to respect their husbands.
Sounds pretty straight forward, right? Easy to read and talk about but not so easy to do.
Dr. Emerson Eggerich, teaching on marriage, discusses the “crazy cycle” of marriage in his book, “Love & Respect”. The husband says something unloving to his wife and most often, the wife responds disrespectfully from a place of hurt feelings. The husband in turn reacts to his wife’s disrespectful comments lashing back with hurtful actions and more unloving words. Then the two of them, unwittingly, find themselves spinning into the “crazy cycle” hurting one another, damaging their marriage until one or both decide to get off the “crazy cycle”.
The interaction described above goes directly back to how we communicate. Communication has many forms, the good and the bad, verbal and non-verbal, words or actions. Scripture is full of verses on the importance of speaking with kindness, edification and love. The power of the tongue is like fire as described in the book of James (3:1-12), or has the power of life or death as described in Proverbs (18:21). We are also to edify and build others up as told to us in Romans (14:19). Words used in the wrong way can communicate with anger and disrespect. Hurt and pride are the root of most of our sinful responses. Our words can either tear people down or build them up. And most often, our words and actions hurt the ones we love the most.
As we learn to be more like Christ, I often consider: am I being loving to my wife and am I showing her my love with my words and actions? Do my words and actions build her up and confirm my love for her today, tomorrow and for the rest of our lives together? The same holds true for my wife. Wives are to respect their husbands, but if a wife feels unloved, vulnerable, and unprotected, how can she respect her husband? God holds each of us responsible for our marriages. Again, it’s easy to write and talk about, yet not so easy to do day in and day out as we live our lives as husband and wife.
There have been countless books and seminars written and presented on the subject of marriage, some with more helpful insight than others. But truly, the most important ingredient to a solidly good marriage, one where we can stay off the “crazy cycle” is only found through a right relationship with our heavenly Father. This holds true for both husbands and wives. All other attempts to mend or have healthy relationships fail if we do not first honor God with our lives. Our actions, our words, and deeds, especially with our spouse, do reflect how close our walk with God is. If we have accepted Jesus as our personal Savior, we have become a new creation in Christ. Do our actions, words and deeds reflect we are a new creation in Christ? In our new creation, we should be striving to honor God with what we say, what we do and how we treat those around us. Our right alignment with the Father pours out into our lives with our spouse, children, family, friends and people we meet.
Nothing else matters in this world without God at the head of our lives. Our sinful nature of pride comes out in our words, actions and deeds unless we chose to truly become Christ-like. With the right self-examination, humility and reflection of ourselves, by promptings of the Holy Spirit through the word and prayer, we will continually be changing into the new creation we’ve been made to be, honoring and glorifying our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
For more information on Dr. Emerson Eggerich, Love and Respect, or if you wish to learn more about healthy marriage, reach out to Bob or Gail Schroeder, Pastor Adam Baker or Pastor Dan Kelm.
https://www.loveandrespect.com
